#Soulcalibur iv series#

Well, that falls at the first hurdle with two broken kneecaps and a fireside poker lodged in its head, 'cause the story mode's a joke. I've been racking my magnificent brain going through all the ways a game can make itself fun and interesting to play, and none of them seem to apply. The motivation and backstory for all the characters is so bloody complex you need a fucking flowchart to get to grips with it, which the game actually thoughtfully provides in one of its many dalliances with total fucking pointlessness. Some people want to destroy them, some people want to stick them up their nose, and some people want to cover them in toffee and sell them at concession stands.

Anyway, the painfully slim justification for the twat-a-thon is that there's a big, evil chap on a tower who has the bluntest and most unreasonably large swords in the world, and everyone wants to have a go with them.

#Soulcalibur iv series#

Soulcalibur IV is the latest in the eternally-misspelled Soulcalibur series and is a fighting game themed around twatting each other with swords, all of which are apparently as blunt as roofing tiles, because they can't do more than knock people out. It's like squeezing a great big stress ball, except you're kicking it in the face and you're a skinny Japanese schoolgirl in your underpants.' But if you want to relieve stress you take a herbal bath or bang your head against a wall, neither of which cost $90 at your local electronics retailer.

And whenever I mention this, people say the same thing: 'What's there to get? Violence is cathartic. I don't hate them, but then I've never frosted my pants over any of them either. I don't really understand fighting games.